Happy Howl-idays!!!!

instructions for a very merry holiday...

1. swipe the nearly empty peanut butter container from the trash while mom is filling the cookie tray. she will never notice2. lick furiously...as far as your tongue will go into the container...growl at everyone who comes near your new-found treasure3. give your best hang-dog face while the humans are exchanging gifts4. go so far as to rest your head pathetically on one of their presents5. this will result in many "oooohhhs" & "aaaahhhs" followed by someone giving you *your* gift!

(yes, that is green stuff in my hair...a side effect of the curious cookie decorating incident)

6. pose nicely wearing dumb faux reindeer ears for mom's nosy camera...remembering that she is keeper of treats...Merry Christmas from phil, L., & all our friends here at dog blog!!

when good parties go bad...

oh yes. yesterday was a very good day around here...lots & lots of cookie dough flying around the kitchen. some of it even on the floor. i did my very best to keep things clean on the dog level. i think mom appreciates that.

cookies falling from the baking sheet? yep...i'm on that one too.

i thought that was the best...but i was wrong. mid afternoon things took an amazing turn...mom started rifling around in the biscuit bag. i was all ears. & eyes. & slobbery mouth. we had already done the morning biscuit thing, so this was an unexpected treat. i thought, perhaps, that my extensive kitchen floor clean-up warranted a holiday bonus, but i was wrong.

mom didn't even notice my intent biscuit stare.

it was L.'s birthday & the biscuit was hers. all hers. hmmm.

mom turned it over to Little Man who did some very odd things to it. first...he drilled a hole in it. now, this is a perfectly good waste of biscuit dust. then he stuck a fire stick into it. what????all the while L. is lounging by the fire on her favorite downstairs rug (the one that matches *me*) paying no mind to these escapades. Big Bro applied a party hat to her head & *that* certainly got her attention.hey! i'll wear one if it means an extra biscuit!!... but, no one seemed to notice my eagerness. do you think they recall the last time when i chewed mine to bits?

anyhoo...party hat + burning stick thingy in the biscuit = confused L.she was not amused.she was not impressed.(i, however, needed to be restrained in the background.) mom, for fear of burning down the house, prompted team boyworld to remove the fire stick & let L. in peace for her birthday biscuit.i must admit, i was harboring just a bit of biscuit envy at that moment.even a piece would do.sadly, i sent the wrong signals. a certain boy confused my interest in the biscuit for interest in the fire stick.in case you cannot read facial expressions very well, the above one says, "mom, please put the camera down & help me." at least they extinguished the flame.

at this point i thought all was lost & my humiliation factor at an all-time high. not really so. team boyworld turned their attentions back to the birthday girl who was quietly enjoying her post-biscuit lounge by the fire.in the mess of things one of them retrieved another party hat...not for me. no. this is where the tide turned back in my favor. 2 party hats + 2 boys itching for Christmas break = poor L. first they had to adjust her hat.can dogs laugh? i believe i did. in my opinion, this is a very good look for her. let's call it L.'s winter collection! if you like it, i am very sure you will be impressed with what L.'s design team did next...nice huh??you should have been here. L. stood stock-still. i do not believe a filet would have moved her from that place. this was oh-so-much better than a biscuit for me. well, not really. but it was good!happy birthday L.!!!

busted!!! (or...dog vs. boys)

dear mom...

what ever possessed you to allow Little Man & Big Bro to purchase handcuffs?? did you not know it would come to this? L. & i are not amused. please post bail asap...preferrably in the form of biscuits. & while you are at it, please exercise your jurisdiction over this residence & hide the dad-blame handcuffs!

sincerely yours,

phil

ps. it is hard to blog while cuffed to L.!

dogs - 0 boys - 2 (at least until mom rescues us!)

'tis the season!

this week mom said the hallowe'en/fall/thanksgiving thing was passed & so i figured any remnants of that season could be put to more practical use...say polishing my canines & whatnot.

apparently it was more like...WHAT?!?! NOT!!!!!

that is what mom said when she saw what i found...a left-over squash! her idea of "break it down & put it away" did not include chewing it to bits all over the carpet. but hey...it had the potential to last longer than a biscuit!

so, you might be asking yourself, what happened to ol' phil after he was caught gnawing the squash? well, let me tell you...

mom is big on the distraction game. i have what she does not want me to have. she procures something that i want even more, waves it in front of my face & i forget what i wanted in the first place. you follow??

usually it's food. but today she tried the season change bait-and-switch routine with me. it worked. for a minute. until i realized that some things are even more lame than gnawing on a squash.

think: faux reindeer antlers on a dog!

first, she sent Little Man in with these vibrant red jingle-bell-y things. i'm all ears! he starts waving them around in all their glorious redness. i forget the squash. (mom nabs it at that moment.) next thing i know, i am *wearing* this pathetic fashion statement from the dollar store. ok. i admit i like red. but on antlers?? on me??

and then she expects me to pose for photos??? i would rather a swift whack with a rolled newspaper, but no! i have to *pose* all nicey nice. hmphf.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

in other dog news...L. is well! that's right...she's not only well, she's downright L-egant, primping & fixing her look for the season...

one sick puppy...

poor, poor L. she did not have the best of weeks...most of the recent days she has been sick (too much stolen turkey, perhaps?)& all she has been doing is moping around.she won't even play the biscuit game. heck, she doesn't even want to go into the kitchen. now i feel badly that i have been blog-teasing her so much. mom says she is on the mend, but still... i guess i better be extra nice to her! get well, L.!!

does this rug make my bum look good...?

oh L.


what a silly, silly girl you are.


mom & dad did not buy that rug as an accessory for your fur. it is merely soft on their human feet (remember that they do not have padding like we do).


we *know* that it matches your coloring perfectly, but really...you are taking this rug thing a bit too far!

(she will not get off that thing, people!)

how weird are we???

well...

apparently, quite!

but...hear me out. when mom & dad were remodeling the kitchen, they absolutely did not explain this contraption to L. or me. if they had, i would have been more discerning. imagine my embarrassment when i found out this was kitchen cabinetry & not the very latest in doggy decor. to me it was so very simple...an enclosed space (for privacy) with a lot of leg room (heck, even room to share with L!), and with very easy, almost immediate access to the pantry door (biscuits right inside!). really, the only thing missing was a cushy dog pillow! (that should have been a clue, i guess.)

mom's hysterical laughter also should have alerted me to the fact that i was out in left field. she was laughing at us so hard that she had a hard time taking photos. (really, i could have done without photographic evidence, but...) shortly after this lazy moment in my new & short-lived kingdom, some contractor types installed things like interior shelves, counters, a cook top, & the dredded cabinet doors. i no longer fit in this delightful space (& i very much doubt mom would enjoy me lying among her pots & pans even if i could squeeze in)...but on the plus side...now that the cook top is functioning, many, many good things just seem to fall off that counter & into my slobbery mouth!

nap time!

we'll take 'em any way we can!

& we're still in post-kennel recovery! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

post-kennel dog coma...

right here. right now...

L....oh, L.!c'mon...give us a little smile...

oh. no.

i just heard mom utter the "K" word.

no, not K-Bug...she's oK.

the *other* "K" word...the one all dogs dread...

kennel.

somebody help. please.

i like being on the open road with my slobbery mouth hanging out the window & the breeze blowing through my ears. i like visiting Mrs. T. (mom's soul sister) & her people. i like weather. why can't i goooooooooo???????

i'll even wear the goofy party hats again. i promise not to chew the party horn. i swear i will not fall prey to L.'s antics. i'll be a good boy. pretty, pretty please...

have you ever heard the expression "hang dog" look? well, mom said i have it. if that means i don't want to be left behind, that's it!! but mom's not budging on this. not one iota. so it's off to the kennel...i can't even *blog* from there. oh, the horror!! i do not want to go. did i already say that??

in case you are wondering...this is L.'s opinion of the kennel...

(wonder if they'll need a muzzle??!?!)

it's no use, people...i'm off, leashed & all.. food & bed & biscuits in tow ('cause i'm not eating *their* stuff)...see you next week!

Happy Howl-oween

oh the things i do for my people.
one might ask why i do these humiliating things to please them. the answer is simple...opposable thumbs! if i had them & could open the biscuit closet myself, these fetes would abruptly end!

do i really want to balance a squash on my nose?

do i really want to wear people clothes?

do i really want to *do* hallowe'en?

please, i think you know the answers to these rhetorical questions! my idea of hallowe'en is so very simple...it involves a good bone, a comfy bed, & plenty of opportunties to bark incessantly at trick-or-treaters!

now, if you want to see something really scary...check this out!...

howl-oween antics...

no, i absolutely did *not* spill that candy corn all over the floor.

no, i really didn't.

nope. not me.

but i would be happy to clean it up for you!